Desert Academy - English 10 Honors

Nick Gerber
Free of Time’s Constraints
I was overwhelmed. I couldn’t figure out what was happening, but I now know I had become unstuck in time. I remember a searing and controlling flood of emotion that left me barely weak and scared. The rushing moods and feelings swept through me in a blur, completely draining me. I was living the most emotionally stimulating moments of my life all at once. Although now I can control it, it was at first just flashes of my life, in no particular order.
The first snippet took place before I had begun my education, and was still learning the concept of speech. I was sitting in the hot sand with a cup, sifting through it and piling it in a heap at the train park. I was wearing denim overalls, a diaper and a sun hat. There was mud around my mouth where dirt had stuck to the lollipop residue left over on my face from the ride into town. This was one of my favorite places. The swings were something to look forward to, and the teeter-totter was always at the top of my to-do list. And there I was, sitting in the sand, without a care in the world.
Next I was at a sculpture garden. It was summer still, and I was once again happy. I had realized that I was in love. Kids played in a river near by, splashing in the cool water and making mud pies. Their voices made me oddly jealous, but I was content all the same. Actually, I was more than content—I was ecstatic. All I wanted was to have her sitting at that that picnic table with me, feeling as happy as I did. But the longing was part of the game. I missed her, and that made the time together that much sweeter. This was the happiest I had ever been.
The next was not so good. I was wearing black and sitting in a grey folding chair. I was older now, but I began to realize that that was relative. I was hurting. My friend had died, and I was not taking it well. I was tuning out the lecture about him, because I didn’t want to hear it. I only wanted to go home and sleep. I missed him a lot. I knew nobody knew him like I did, and I was just realizing that nobody ever would. I was thankful for the time we had together, but I was bitter. It wasn’t fair of him to leave me like that. I needed to mourn alone, and this public sermon wasn’t helping.
Now I was much older. I was on my back porch listening to the kids playing in the street and drawing the tree in my back yard. I had drawn it countless times, but every picture captured a new part of it better than the last. I was grey now, and my once wide and brilliant eyes were cool and deep. I hadn’t added a line to the picture in a few minuets, and somehow, I was ok with that. I was more focused on the sound of the kids at play. It was wonderful to hear, and also painful. I wished I could go back to when I was that age, just to remember the feeling.
And then it was my wedding day. I was marring my sculpture garden fantasy, and felt like the luckiest man in the world. I heard the final “I do” escape her lips, and turned to face her. Her radiant smile filled my warmth with gratitude and longing. We leaned towards each other and became one. Never had her lips been so welcome and sweet, or her soul so appealing. I knew I had made the right decision, and vowed to uphold it fully.
But then I was on the floor, shaking. I did not then know what had just happened. I was sweaty but cold—no, freezing. My heart raced, in anticipation of another shock, but thankfully, none came. I was scared, but assured. It was refreshing to see those moments of my life, even if some were for the first time, I wanted to feel it again. After time I became able to control it. I saw my first car, the birth of my first child, my first gunfight, my first steps, but most importantly, my own death. I was finally at peace. I had nothing to worry about. I understood my life, and how it fit together. I was thankful for the opportunity to be free